guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize