The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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