he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
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"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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