Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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