Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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