Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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