ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
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I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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