My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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