I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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