Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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