thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize