That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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