You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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