Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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