The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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