And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize