i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize