I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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