Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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