I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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