rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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