Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize