When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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