So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize