She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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