i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize