it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize