It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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