We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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