that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he shaved USA in his pubs
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize