How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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