im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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