End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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