remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize