Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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