Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize