Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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