i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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