I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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