okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize