Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize