I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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