And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize