Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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