why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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