don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
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Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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