she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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