i just had sex bonerless
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize