I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
look no pants
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize