I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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